Proper Encouragement

Here's a story written by a golf blogger about his experience with positive reinforcement on the golf course. I'll add my two cents after the jump.

Sports Psychologists Are Wrong About This

I had a side-hill three-footer in a team match, in which a partner and I were playing two guys from our enemy club. I studied my little slider while one of the other guys failed to chip in. My putt was slick, but I felt confident. I could see the line as clearly as if it were painted on the grass.
When it was my turn, my partner—who had been in his pocket since hitting both his drive and his provisional drive out of bounds—suddenly spoke. “Take your time,” he said.
Now, there’s a golf injunction I hate. I had been doing little for the past fifteen minutes except waiting for other people to play themselves out of the hole. How much more time was I supposed to take? I ignored my partner and got comfortable over my ball. One long, last look at my target, and—he spoke again.
“Back of the cup,” he said. “Smooth stroke.”
He had me now. Was I missing something? I backed away and reexamined my line. Maybe the putt did break less than I’d been thinking. I picked a different blade of grass to aim for, and stroked the ball a little harder.
It dipped below the rim but didn’t fall.
The conventional wisdom among sports psychologists is that chat between partners should always be positive. The human brain can’t process negative instructions, they say. Tell a golfer to avoid that bunker over there and he’ll think of nothing but sand. Therefore, you say “Back of the cup,” not “Don’t jab it, you loser.”
I disagree. When a partner turns gravely supportive, I can’t help wondering what he’s worried about. Invariably, I come up with a list.
A better strategy, I think, is to confront golf anxieties squarely. Recently, some buddies and I tested this hypothesis. Our foursome was playing three other foursomes, and our pro, Fran, had a crucial putt.
“Hey, Fran,” I said. “Don’t screw up.”
He laughed. Then he drained it.
On the next hole, as I was teeing up my ball, Tony said, “Keep it out of the woods, for a change, O. K.?” Boom—straight up the middle. And long.
When your partner tells you to make a good swing, he is indirectly expressing his uneasiness about your ability to play golf; when your partner tells you not to screw up, he is using a joke to acknowledge the pressure you’re feeling and, in effect, forgiving you in advance for letting down the side, if that’s how things turn out.
On the final green, I was able to return the favor to Tony. “We need this one,” I said, “How about not blowing it?”
He took his time, made a smooth stroke, and nailed the back of the cup.

My 2 Cents

I've been dealing with mental clutter getting in the way of my swing ever since the first day I picked up a club and decided to learn this game.  What the above article addresses are the random words of encouragement that friends often say to each other to try and calm the guy hovering over the ball down.  I get it.  You want your friend to relax and just play the game and not treat it like it's the U.S. Open.  But how much are you really helping your friends by pulling them out of that competitive zone?  

I completely agree with the article.  That doesn't mean I'm completely innocent of this kind of behavior.  On the contrary, I often catch myself giving my friends too much encouragement during a round and I know it gets in their way just as much as it gets in mine.  One thing I think the article leaves out, is that the player needs to understand their friends' intentions.  They aren't trying to screw you up or politely express their lack of faith in your swing.  I think an effort to understand that is just as important as learning to encourage your friends properly.  So what's the best way to help a golfer play better?  Do we leave him alone or do we psyche him up with some humorous taunts?

I've read a bunch of material the last few weeks about sports psychology and the mental aspect of golf.  From what I gathered, all of it really just depends on personal preference.  There's no wrong or right way to help everybody.  If you want people to keep you relaxed, just be forward and tell them before the round.  E.g. "Hey, I'm feeling kinda nervous today and I don't want to get too bogged down with score, can you make sure I chill out if you can sense some tension from me?"  Ask someone else to keep score for you if you think it will get in your way.

If you want people to keep you sharp with some witty jabs, I think in that case the best approach would be to set an example.  Instead of trying to relax the player, try and let them know you have faith in their abilities and make a joke about how they better not shoot any less than their best.  Remind them that stressing out or worrying about messing up the shot doesn't matter, because the ability is there.  From my own experiences, the best rounds have the most laughs.  Keep the mood light and make sure you maintain your sense of humor.  Golf is a frustrating game.  Being able to laugh at the moments that would normally make you angry can only improve your experience on the course, not to mention lower your score.  No one has fun getting angry at themselves, and when you're not having fun, you're not playing to the best golf you can play.